Lorna Let Down Your Hair
by Isi143
Summary: A Comical Retelling of Rapunzel
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

A knight came riding up to my tower. His back ramrod straight and his sword held out in front of him. He seemed to be trying to look handsome and regal but instead he only managed to look like a fool bouncing around on the poor horses back.  
"What a ninny," I said, looking down at him from my one window. I leaned my chin on my hand and watched as he _tried_ to get smoothly off his horse. He walked (more like stumbled) up to my tower and looked up at me.  
"Greetings fair maiden! A beautiful lady like yourself shouldn't be trapped up in a tower thus! Why, it is a crime! I will save you and take your beautiful hand in marriage!"  
"Oh thank you, kind sir!" I cooed, but in my head I had already decided I would run as soon as I was out. No chance I'd marry that loon!  
"Just let down your golden hair and I will climb up and get you down," he said.  
"I don't have long hair. Or at least not that long," I said with an exasperated sigh. "And it's brown." Why did everyone assume I was like my great grandmother? Just because she had long hair doesn't mean that every other princess does!  
"Well then….. Do you have a rope or something you could drop down?"  
"If I did, you dimwit, I would have gotten out already!" I stalked away from the window and threw myself down on the mattress that lay on the floor.

It was like all the other times. A prince would come ask me to let my hair down, and when I said it wasn't that long, ask me to drop a rope. Why didn't he bring his own rope for once? And, more than likely, on their way back to get a rope, they got eaten by an ogre or another princess batted her long eyelashes at them. Disgusting!  
When I was but five years old I was brought here by a goblin. (Yes a goblin. I know it should be a witch, right? Well, these woods don't tend to follow the books.) My parents gave me to him, and no, not because my mother wanted something from his garden, but because they had hoped for a son and I was their tenth daughter in a row. I know, it sounds cruel but I can handle it. Anyway, the goblin didn't want to eat me yet because I wasn't really big enough to make a proper mouthful, so he put me up in this one- roomed, door less tower to let me finish growing. However, I assume some knight killed the goblin before he could eat me because he has never come back and I've been here ever since. And now I am stuck up in this tower till a knight or something comes to my rescue. But I guess there are a lot of nicer girls to rescue because the only knights that ever come my way are complete idiots and probably don't even know which way is up. Or maybe that's just how all men are.  
A few days passed from the last visit and I was sitting in my very empty room reading for the hundredth time _The History of Trapped Damsels_ and snacking on some grapes that had appeared on my windowsill that morning as my meals always did, when I heard a shout outside my window.  
"Another one," I said, getting up. "Please, let him have a rope!" I looked out the window to find a young man in leather armor standing there. There wasn't a horse in sight and he was glaring up at me.  
"So you're the girl who's trapped?" he said, none to politely and as if he was blaming me.  
"Yes," I said a little taken aback. This wasn't how it usually happened.  
"Well," he said, and to my delight took a rope out of his satchel. "I guess I better get you down."  
He walked over and tossed the rope up to me. I caught it but couldn't find a single thing to tie it onto. My heart sank.  
"Tie it onto something already!" He called up to me. "Or do you not know how to tie a knot?"  
"There isn't anything to tie it to!" I said indignantly. "I don't have a bed or table. I don't even have a chair!" The goblin had taken great pains to ensure I wouldn't escape.  
"Well of all the...! Fine, step back," he said. He pulled the rope back down and took out a long dagger. After tying the dagger to the rope, he tossed it back up to me.  
"Can you stab it into anything?" He asked.  
Right next to the window was a wooden beam that supported the roof. I stabbed the dagger into the wood. It went deep into the wood. I found it strange that it went in so readily.  
The young man tugged on it. "Alright, come down. It should hold."  
I slid down the rope and set my bare feet on the ground and walked around. Then Ran! Feeling the grass beneath my feet for the first time in twelve years! Oh it was heavenly! I turned to thank my savior and found him putting the knife back into his belt. "How did you get it back down?" I asked.  
"It is fairy made, that's how," he said, not even looking up as he started walking back towards the woods that surrounded my tower.  
"Well, um, thank you for getting me down," I said, following him.  
"You're welcome, "he said curtly, continuing to walk away.  
"Well, where are you going?" I asked. I hadn't noticed how dark the woods were and I realized that I didn't have any weapon in case the stories that I had read in _The History of Trapped Damsels_ were true about all the ogres and such creatures.  
"I'm going home of course. Where are you going?" He asked stopping and turning to look at me. "I hope you don't think that I'm going to marry you or something."  
"I certainly don't intend to marry you! I just don't think I want to be left out here with no weapon or any sense of direction. Mind you, I have been in that wretched tower since I was five. I don't really know my way around." I said hotly. Stupid man. What kind of gentleman was he? Intending to leave a helpless girl out in the woods!  
"Fine. I'll take you to the nearest town but that's all I'm doing!" he said and continued walking.  
"Oh thank you! I am in your debt!" I said, sarcastically.  
"Yes, you are. But I'm willing to forget that," he said. I realized that was true and ran to catch up with him.  
"I am thankful. I was getting a little bored up there."  
He merely grunted in reply.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

We walked in silence for the rest of the day. When night fell we stopped in a small clearing. The woods were extremely dense now and it was lucky that we even found a clearing.  
"Go and get some wood for the fire, would you?" he asked.  
"Alright." I said and started towards the woods. Once I'd gathered enough wood into a small pile that I had made, I started to call for him to come and help me carry it back when I realized I hadn't asked his name or even told him mine.  
I took as much wood as I could carry back and set it down by him.  
"What is your name?"  
He looked up at me. "Terence."  
"I'm Lorna." He didn't say anything, but continued to make the fire. He was so rude! I stomped off and walked around the clearing, feeling the trees with my hands; grass under my feet. The world was so big. So beautiful! I stood and watched the birds in the trees and the bugs crawling around.  
"Are you going to eat?" I turned around to see him eating a piece of bread and dry meat. He held out my share towards me. I took it, mumbled my thanks, and sat down to eat it.  
"You know, I never found out how the goblin got me my food. I think he must have arranged for someone to bring it to me….." I don't know why I was talking to him. He hardly spoke at all. And it was clear he wished I'd go jump off a cliff.  
"Magic most likely," he said shortly.  
"Magic. Is there as much as the books say?"  
"There is quite a lot of it. And not too much of it is nice either, mind you. I should know."  
I was about to ask what he meant when there was a crash in the woods. We both jumped up. An ogre of enormous size came running in, chasing a knight in armor. The knight was having trouble running with all the metal. Once he was clear of all the trees, he turned and started trying to stab the ogre. But even though his size should have hindered it, the ogre moved quickly and dodged the knight's sword. Terence ran over with his dagger. He threw it, but right when it left his hand the knight crashed into him and the dagger went off course. But the dagger seemed to turn back on tack because the next minute the ogre was on the ground, the dagger up to its hilt in one of the ogre's rather large eyes. The knight got up and took off his helmet. He had short blond hair like Terence, only a bit lighter, and instead of blue eyes, like Terence, his were deep violet.  
"Well, that was close! I thank you sir!" he said and shook Terence's hand. "I was nearly his dinner. Well, how are you fairing, my lady. I hope it didn't scare you too dreadfully?"  
" Oh no. That is quite alright. I'm just glad no one got hurt," I said. Now _he_ had manners!  
"What is your name lady?" he asked, taking my hand and kissing it.  
I pulled my hand away. Oh no. Not another one of those _overly_ nice knights.  
"I'm Lorna."  
"I am Sir Kenneth."  
"Sir Kenneth?" Terence said, "I do believe I've heard of you. Weren't you the one who lost the tournament this spring? How did you become a knight anyway?"  
"Terence!" I said. I couldn't believe he could be so rude, even if the knight was starting to seem dimwitted.  
"No, it is quite alright Lady Lorna. He's right. I'm not that good with a lance, but with the sword I can hold my own."  
"And yet you need help killing an ogre?" Terence asked, walking over to the fire to put more wood on it.  
"I'm sure if you had given him a chance!" I said, exasperated. Turning to Kenneth, I asked, "Do you need something to eat?"  
"No, I'm fine, but would it be alright if I traveled with you? I'm trying to find my way out of this blasted forest, but it's as if it changes on me! I think I'm almost out and then I find I've only traveled in circles!"  
"Magic," Terence muttered.  
"What was that?" Kenneth asked.  
"Most likely elf magic. They enchant bits and pieces of the woods just to throw you humans off. We really should be getting some rest. I want to hurry and get to a town so I can dump this tag-along off."  
"Oh thanks!" I said, as I curled up on the ground, wishing I had brought my shawl, but I had been in such a hurry to feel that ground... I was starting to fall asleep when I felt Kenneth lay his cloak on top of me. Or at least I thought it was Kenneth. I highly doubt Terence would be doing such a thing. Soon after, I drifted into slumber.  
The next day Kenneth walked with us. He was kind and helpful, but Terence never ceased to be rude! Yes, Kenneth was a very overly nice person just like all those knights that came to my tower except he wasn't as bad as some. And to make everything worse, Terence came up with a nickname for me.  
"Hurry up, Lorie! I want to get this over with. I have more important people to see than to baby-sit you!"  
I looked up from the tree moss that Kenneth was showing me and glared at Terence. "Kenneth is showing me something. Whoever it is you have to see I'm sure they can wait to be insulted!"  
Kenneth had made it his job to teach me about the plants in the forest. Not only did he teach me about all the plants but he also listened to me tell about how it was being locked up in the tower. It felt wonderful to tell someone. But Terence must have been listening in because after I finished telling Kenneth how the goblin had taken me away from my parents, he said dryly, "I can understand why your parents gave you up."  
"Say now, no need to be so rude, Terence." Kenneth said.  
"That's easy for you to say. You aren't missing an important meeting because of her," Terence said over his shoulder. He always walked ahead of us.  
"Well, if that's how it is then I would be glad to take her where ever she wants to go," Kenneth said.  
"Oh sure, and get you both lost within minutes!" Terence shot back.  
"Kenneth was just offering to help!" I shouted.  
We walked in silence for another hour when I thought of something I wanted to ask. "Terence, why did you save me?"  
"I was bored."  
"Oh of course I should have known it wasn't out of kindness," I said. All of a sudden I heard a noise behind us and I turned to see a black cloud of smoke float towards us. "Kenneth..."I said slowly. But he didn't pay any attention. He was in the middle of explaining leaves. "Kenneth!" I screamed as the cloud started to take the form of an old man. Terence turned around, his dagger in front of him, at the ready. But once he saw what it was he put the dagger away and rolled his eyes at me.  
"Did you have to scream like that? I thought something was wrong."  
"I beg your pardon. I didn't think it was normal for a cloud to turn into a man!"  
"Actually, my dear, it is quite natural in these woods" the cloud man said.  
"Hello, Arden. What's wrong now?" Terence asked.  
Arden looked surprised. "Why does there have to be something wrong?"  
"Because you never come to see me just because you miss me. There is always something you need done," Terence said with a laugh. It was the first time I'd seen him smile.  
Arden grinned. "Well, now that you mention it, it would be a great help if you would go save another Princess from a tower. The birds around that area say that she won't stop screaming and it makes them very nervous."  
"The birds?" I asked in astonishment.  
"Yes, the poor things," Arden said, shaking his head sadly.  
"Another girl? Really Arden? I'm still stuck with the last one," He said, jerking his head toward me.  
"I see. Well. This one needs saving, Terence. Please. I won't ask anything more of you 'till they are both, how do you put it, out of your hair. Now, I must be going. The tower is over at Troll Creek. It curves around it like a moat. Won't be hard at all I'm sure."  
Terence rolled his eyes heavenward. "Not hard at all. Why me?" Then he looked at me, "Come on, Lorie. It seems I have to go get a friend for you. You coming with us Kenneth? Of course you are. You need protecting too."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

It was getting dark out when Terence finally said it was time to stop. We ate a quick supper then went to bed. Terence and Kenneth took turns keeping watch. It was Terence's turn first tonight. I watched as he sat down in the shadows and wrapped himself in his cloak. I tried to sleep but I couldn't so I got up and went to sit next to him.  
"What are you doing?" he asked.  
"I couldn't sleep so I came over to sit by you," I said, then asked, "or will my sitting here make it hard for you to keep watch?"  
"No, it won't. It's not too hard to ignore you," he said, stretching his arms and yawning.  
"Why do you hate me so much?" I asked, my voice rising.  
He sighed and looked at me. "Guess."  
"Just because you're stuck with me? That is no reason to hate me. It's your fault. _You _saved _me_!"  
Terence sighed again. "I don't hate you."  
"Then why are you so rude?"  
"Listen. I'm sorry. I just have bad experiences with humans."  
I thought about that and then realized what he had said. With humans. As if he wasn't one. I also remembered him saying that last night. "You humans" he had called Kenneth and me.  
"What do you mean _humans? _Aren't you human?"  
He looked at me and calmly said, "No," as if it was the most simplest of statements to make.  
I stood up and stepped back from him. "What are you then?"  
"Don't look so scared, Lorie. I'm an elf. And we don't tend to do much harm to humans. And I guess I should correct what I said. I'm only half elf. I'm also half human."  
"An elf?" I said, sitting back down. "But, what did you mean by you had bad experiences with humans?"  
"My mother and father were killed by a band of robbers. They wanted to sell my mother as a slave. She was an elf. My father tried to stop them but he couldn't. I was there; only six years old, I saw it all. I ran into these very woods. And this is where Arden found me. You see, Arden is part of an organization that saves damsels from whatever they manage to get themselves into. He raised me up to be the best hero. And usually when the young man saves a girl he marries her and goes out of the business. Then more men come and take his place. Our organization has become a very popular job. I'm the only one who never marries."  
"Why?" I asked. This was all so strange.  
"Because all of the girls I've saved are the silly kind. All that goes around in their brains are things like fashion and how to bat their eyelashes prettily." As an after thought he added, "But you, you are the only one that isn't like that." He looked away from me. I smiled at him.

"And it would be just my luck that finally when the girl isn't flirty she would have to be so loud and annoying." My smile became a glare. He turned and looked at me. He was laughing. I couldn't help it. I laughed too.

After a while I got up and went to bed. I lay down on the ground. Kenneth hadn't renewed his favor of letting me have his cloak so I curled up in a tight ball to try and stay warm but then Terence came over and covered me with his, and said, "Here Lorie, maybe then you won't be sore and grumpy tomorrow and we can all walk in peace."

I stuck my tongue out sleepily at him then watched as he walked back to his post. Maybe Terence wasn't so bad after all.

"Stop snoring and get up. We need to get going if I'm going to save the princess today!" Terence called loudly in my early the next morning.  
"I do not snore!" I said indignantly, sitting up.  
"Have you ever stayed awake to find out?" Terence asked.  
"You don't snore," Kenneth stated as he strapped on his sword.  
"Thanks, Kenneth," I said and made a face at Terence.  
At about noon, we stopped for a rest and to eat lunch. I looked at Terence as he came towards me with a sandwich and smiled.

He smiled back. "Here you go, Lorie." I took the food gratefully. I was famished!  
As we continued to walk, I started thinking. What if he liked the girl that he saved this time? I gave a little jump as I realized I hoped he wouldn't.  
About an hour later Kenneth gave a shout, "I see a tower up ahead!"  
"Be quiet, stupid! Goblins live around these parts and they have ears you know," Terence hissed. "Don't they, Lorie?" He grinned at me.  
"Ha Ha," I said. But I could feel myself start to shake. I wasn't looking forward to meeting another goblin. My life in the tower hadn't been all that bad but now that I had gotten out into the world I didn't want to be cut off from it again.  
Terence came up to me and patted my arm reassuringly, "It's ok, Lorna." He turned and started walking towards the tower again.

"You didn't call me Lorie." I realized and smiled at him.  
He stopped and looked at me, "What are you talking about, Lorie?"

I rolled my eyes and followed.

The tower was a disappointment. It was short and the creek was like a big swimming pool encircling it. A person could just jump from the tower and swim to the other side.  
"Of course. Another stupid princess," Terence said.  
A girl came to the window. She was lovely. Her long hair, golden hair, was like a halo around her face. She had a beautiful complexion. She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously. Terence and I rolled our eyes.  
But Kenneth was dumb struck. His mouth opened and closed without making a sound until he finally got a word out. "Angel." And after trying to speak again, "I've seen an Angel."  
Terence and I laughed. Of all the silly things!  
After declaring his love for the princess like all the other stupid knights that tried to save me, he yelled insults out to the goblin to come out and fight. Terence whispered for him to shut up and just save the princess but Kenneth wouldn't listen. He wanted the "Angel" to see him in action.

For a moment nothing happened, but then we all heard a voice from behind. We turned and saw a small man. He looked very much like the pictures of dwarfs I'd seen in my book only he was uglier. He had long stringy hair and little black eyes.  
"I am the goblin of this castle. And the one who captured the princess," he said as if he had rehearsed it a million times. He drew a dagger and jumped for Kenneth. Kenneth raised his sword and stabbed the goblin. The sword missed the intended mark for the belly but got him in the leg.  
"No! I've been defeated!" the goblin cried. Kenneth stood over him like a champion and declared the princess saved.  
Through all this, Terence and I stood gaping at the scene before us. It was all very pathetic. Was the whole world full of these dramatic people? The goblin-dwarf yelled out curses on his half blood as he limped away. Apparently one of his parents was a dwarf and the other a goblin. Meanwhile Kenneth called up to the princess to let down her hair and to Terence's and mine great amusement she did. Kenneth climbed up, took the girl in his arms, and jumped into the moat.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Terence and I help hoist the soaking couple out of the moat. Kenneth knelt before the princess who looked a bit put out from plunging into the water, but she brightened up once she realized Kenneth was proposing.

"Yes, kind sir. I shall marry you!" Angel (Kenneth hadn't even asked for her real name but insisted on calling her Angel) sighed dramatically as Kenneth slipped on the dandelion ring he had made her on her finger. I did think that was sweet.

"Alright love birds… and Lorie. We still have a few days travel yet. We better get going." The irritation he felt at having yet another annoying person to protect clearly shinning through.

"But my clothes are all wet! I simple can't walk until they are dry! I might catch a cold! Someone needs to build me a fire." Angel whined.

"There isn't time. This is a very dangerous part of the woods at night. So unless you fancy fighting off trolls, goblins and possibly a witch or two, I suggest that we leave _Now_."

The princess glared at Terence for a moment then turned on her heel, marched over to Kenneth and took his hand in hers. "Fine, if we must." She said in a bratty tone. Kenneth how ever was oblivious to it and started chatting with her about leaves.

"Wow. Is that the kind of girl you always have to save?" I asked staring back at Kenneth and Angel as we walked along.

"Yes. Now you see what I have to put up with!" Terence said grimacing. "I almost feel sorry for Kenneth…. Almost."

I laughed, looking back at the happy couple again. "They both seem happy enough. It's kind of sweet actually."

"Ugh. I don't think so."

I rolled my eyes at Terence's lack of sentiment. And wished just a little bit, that he didn't hate romance so much.

The rest of the afternoon past by uneventful, but the peace was not to last. It all started because Angel broke a nail when she tripped on her hair.

"Oh my fairy godmother!" She wailed. "I just broke a nail and I'm sure I got my hair all muddy from stepping on it!"

"Really Angel! It's not the end of the world!" I snapped.

"Not the end of the world? Not the end of the world?" She yelled. She continued to shriek about how hard it was taking care of her nails and hair and that this _mean_ forest was taking away all her beauty! And nobody cared about her.

Kenneth tried his best to quiet her but the poor man was powerless. I finally couldn't stand her anymore. I grabbed Terence's knife from his hand and marched over the Angel.

"Lorie don't-" Terence called but before anyone could stop me I grabbed all of Angel's hair and cut it off at the nape of her neck.

"There! Now you won't have anything to trip on and break a nail again!" I yelled and stomped back of in the direction we were traveling.

Terence ran to catch up to me. He was having a laughing fit. "I thought for a moment there you were going to kill her." He said through his laughter. I looked back at Kenneth who was leading Angel along. She had been stunned into silence. "I was tempted…." I mumbled.

Two more days passed with nothing of consequence happening. Angel wouldn't speak to me; she only glared at me every so often. But I was perfectly fine with that. Kenneth was oblivious to everything and everyone but Angel. He spent every second telling her all about his travels, tournaments, and plants. And Terence talked to me. Well, he teased me a lot anyway. But it no longer bothered me so much.

At the end of the seventh day of traveling Terence informed us that this was the last night we would have to make camp.

"We should reach the town by tomorrow evening."

"Finally! I can get out of this dreadful forest and marry the love of my life." Angel said giving Kenneth a peck on the cheek. The poor man looked ready to faint from pure delight.

I didn't say anything. The end of our journey meant Terence would go on his way and I'd once again alone in the world.

It seemed that the forest wasn't willing to let us out so easily however. I awoke that night to a high pitched cackle coming from over head. I scrambled to my feet to see Terence standing in the middle of our camp with a witch circling over his had.

I head a whimper and turned to see Kenneth holding a shaking Angel.

"Help him!" I screamed at Kenneth but he only shook his head and continued to hold Angel.

I ran over to Terence who had his eyes closed and was muttering something that I couldn't make out. The witch Laughed again and throw a ball of fire at us. I shoved Terence out of the way and we both fell to the ground, the fire missing us by a few inches. "Terence!" I cried. I didn't know what to do. Terence just sat there on the ground mumbling. Then just as the witch was about to throw another flame, Terence's eyes snapped open. He held up his hand towards the witch and let loose a ball of blue light right at her. It hit her and with a cry of pain she flew off.

The next day Terence explained to us that the witch was from the Order of the Flame. It was their job to keep people from coming in or out of the woods.

"She should have known better then to attack me. I have a pass in and out of the woods. Just like the other members of our order."

By early evening we had made it out of the forest. The sun was so much brighter out here even if it was setting. I looked around. Down the road we had come upon I saw a town. The first town I had seen in years! Kenneth turned to Terence and me.

"Thank you, for helping me and my love come out of the forest alive. We own you our lives." He bowed and Angel curtsied, shooting me a quick glare.

I watched as Kenneth and the princess walked away, down the small road. Relief at finally having them out of his hair flooded Terence face. He even smiled.  
Terence looked at me. "Well, I suppose I should walk with you to the town." Then he gave a short laugh. "I wouldn't be surprised if you got lost even from this close of a distance."  
When we got there, Terence brought me to a small house. "Here, Arden said there would be one of our houses here in this town."  
"When did he say that? And what do you mean one of your houses?"  
"Oh last night. After you fell asleep he came and talked to me. In a lot of towns we have houses for the newly married couples just in case they don't have a place to live. Arden said that you could have the house. He also got you a job at that inn over there. His sister owns it. She's nice. I think you'll be happy enough working there."  
I nodded my head, taking it all in. I looked over at the house. So this is where I'd start my new life. I turned back to Terence "I'll miss you," I said.  
But Terence laughed, "Sure you will Lorie." He bowed then. "It was an honor protecting your royal self." He winked, and then left.

I watched as Terence walked away into the sunset. My heart was aching. I realized that I wanted him to turn around and come back. But he didn't.  
After awhile, when the sun had almost gone down, and Terence had long ago passed into the horizon and out of sight, I swallowed hard. He was gone and that was the end. I had a house and a job and a new life to live. Maybe we'd meet again someday. Maybe we wouldn't. I waved goodbye to the small glow of sun in the distance.


End file.
